I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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