repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
