that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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