If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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