That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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