This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
