I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
