Whod you bang
Got a toothbrush?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
