OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
