Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
