Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
