remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
