yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
