I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
