how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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