Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
