I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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