I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
