You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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