I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
