FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
