I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
