Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
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