how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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