she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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