i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
