Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
