you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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