i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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