Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
