her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
