Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
