I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
