The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
