You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
