Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize