My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
