I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
