i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
