Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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