just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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