actually, I'm a sock model
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
