WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
