No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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