remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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