Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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