Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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