but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
