He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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