And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
