i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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