my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
