Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
