I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
