Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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