Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
