who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
