just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
