Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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