I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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