My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
