Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
