K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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