Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
