Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
