Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
