dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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