watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
