Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
