I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
