Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
