Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
