So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
